CODE RED!

Water the f-cking plants!  And I mean it!

Who does that blonde cow think she is anyway?  I mean seriously!  After all Ali has done to not just help Blake over her betrayal but also her indifference towards their child?  Freaking freaky Freak!

And there’s my friend, no angel by any means, but she tries.  And she puts up with a lot of crap from everyone, that man of hers in particular.  But she loves him and normally, he’s damn good to her.  So, I rag him a bit but mainly just leave him be.  He really is a good guy.

But damn, the minute that bitch steps back into the picture, somehow he manages to forget all that Ali has done for him and their family these past two years.  And he also amazingly seems to forget all the lying, cheating, and heartache that stemmed from that bleach blonde ex of his. 

To make it all worse, Ali was behaving herself.  After the last time she and Leslie had a knock-down drag-out (that Ali won by TKO, thankyouverymuch), Blake threatened her to within an inch of her life if she ever physically attacked the cow again.  No matter how much she may have deserved it.

So, since I was at their place, waiting on Ali to return when the call came in, as soon as Blake hung up and started ranting to Billy about Ali getting arrested… again… I was out the door and on my way.  I couldn’t leave her there, even if Blake could.  She was just acting in self defense, really.  And honestly?  He should be thankful she went for the stuffed bat and not the Glock she carried strapped to her back.  That would have been messy.  Billy will pretend to be angry, but will forgive me later.  We have this understanding.  He bails Blake out when he gets drunk and disorderly (and after Ali has slammed the phone down usually) and I act mad; he does the same for me and my pal.  But we don’t let their issues affect us (normally), so I know he won’t be angry long. 

In retrospect, my only regret is that I didn’t go with her when she asked.

Damn.

But then, if I’d done that… we’d both STILL be in jail… ::sigh::

~Red, who now knows why it’s been so long since she’s posted.

The Name Game

Ya know it sucks the emphasis people put on names these days. Back in the day, you were named to honor another. Today, not so much. Today, it's all about what the celebs are naming their spoiled brat children or what spoiled dysfunctional ex-child stars gone to the dark side are named so that you don't curse your child with the same name. And possibly the same fate.

Ali's so lucky and she just doesn't get it. She and Blake had a rather easy go of it when they named Rayna, even if her middle name took a bit of deciding. Still not sure where they came up with Rhose, but hey, not my child, right? She keeps telling me to pick a good, strong name that I'm not going to tire of and stick with it.

It's so not that simple anymore.

Like, I'd name my son for my father, but well, Liam isn't something that most people can spell, let alone pronounce. And naming him after his daddy's not an option… I love Billy, and Bill's not bad, but there's just something about William… I dunno. Just doesn't sound like a name for a baby, ya know? Ali suggested variations but… not finding a thing that I like.

What's worse is, everyone seems to think that it's not just their right, but their DUTY to force their favorite and family names upon me. Why? I mean, Blake suggested Daven, after his brother who was killed when he was young, and that's at least a cool name, but not quite my style. He also suggested, rather cheekily if you ask me, the name Hunter, but that's just Blake. Ali's refraining… for now. I think she got enough of that while she was preggo with Raynie. And Billy? He's not being any help at all. Keeps telling me to name him what I want and that, just as long as I don't do something crazy, he's fine with it.

I told him I was thinking of naming him after a certain male country singer… And ya know what? He suddenly became involved in the process. *EVIL LAUGHTER* He's so easy… Too bad I meant Blake and not who he was thinking of…

So, this is what I've been getting hit with…

The Good:

Connor

Gabriel

Dayton

The Bad:

Travis

William (sorry honey)

Gerry

And The Ugly:

Phallyn (no WAY uh-huh, NOT with Blake around)

Stetson (although Daddy DID get a laugh out of that one)

Doogan

Okay, now that Ali's laughing over my shoulder while I'm writing this, she throws out, just off the cuff… Torin Kole. How the hell does she do this? And why the frak didn't she suggest this three months ago? AAAAAH!

The good news, honey? Our son-to-be now has a name!

~Shana, Torin, and a very happy, rather helpful Auntie Ali

 

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah…

Okay. I know it. Now get off my back! Can I help it if I'm not a yammering fool like Ali is? Or that crazy blog-happy friend of hers? And whaddaya mean I DO yammer? Oooh… you so did not go there…

*breathes deeply*

Okies. So, I'll let that one slide for now. And only because I know that I'm irritated and grouchy already. Shut UP Billy, you're beginning to sound like Blake for the love of all things explosive. My excuse is that I'm pregnant. And ready to pop. Like um, nearly any day now. Yeah, I KNOW! I don't quite believe it myself. And here I am, not saying a word the whole freaking time.

Sorry.

Not. <watch the beat>

LOL Really, I am. But Billy's rehab has been taking up a lot of my quiet time and when we're not in therapy, we're buying baby furniture. Or fighting about the whole marriage thing. *shudders* And it's not like I don't want to get married… I'm just scared.

See? There. I've said it. It's out in the open. And Billy knows this, but he doesn't always understand. Some days he's cool with it and others, he can't figure out why I can't get past it all. Am I allowed to murder him? Or is that a wife's privilege only? *Makes mental note to ask Ali about that one*

Anyway, he's making amazing progress and we've really grown a lot closer these last few months. I know now that we will get married, I just can't tell him that yet… because he'll want to run off and get hitched. Immediately. Like I'm gonna change my mind or something. Go figure.

Did I tell you that Ali bought Rory a hamster? I swear, that kid is so spoiled. But then, after seeing Ali with the little ball of fluff, I starting thinking she brought the little rat home for herself.

~Your Tired and Cranky Red

Ali's Got Entirely TOO Much Time on Her Hands...

How to Make a Small Crossbow out of Household Items

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Right at the desk where you are reading this, you can probably build your very own mini crossbow. No knives, wood, electric appliances or any other expensive equipment are needed. All you need are some basic office supplies, ten minutes, and these instructions.

Steps

1. Line up two of the pencils parallel to each other and secure them with tape, leaving at least a centimeter untaped at both ends in order to leave a space for the rubber band later. Repeat for the other two pencils.
   
2. Create a cross that looks like a lowercase "t" with the two pairs of pencils. Secure them in that position with either tape (electric tape works best), rubber bands, or glue.
   
3. Unscrew the tip of a cheap or useless pen. Unscrew the other side of the pen, and then take out all of the inner mechanisms. (Save the ink cartridge because that will be used as the ammo later.) After doing that, you should end up with a hollow tube.
   
4. Secure the tube to the vertical side of the cross with tape.
   
5. Stretch a rubber band horizontally across the crossbow, anchoring it between the two pencils and going over the pen in the middle.
   
6. Wrap a piece of tape around the middle of the rubber band where it passes over the pen.
   
7. Tie a rubber band between the pencils and the bottom of the hollow pen. This is to add elevation, which will come in handy later.
   
8. Put the ink cartridge back into the tube so that it's sticking out slightly.
   
9. Stretch the rubber-band to the end of the tube.
   
10. Grab the ink cartridge, pull it back further with the rubber band, and let go.
    

Tips

• Try experimenting with different types of bolts (the "arrows" used by your crossbow). Some bolts might work better than others, due to their size, shape or weight.
  
• The bow isn't very good at long distance shooting, so if you want to pierce something, shoot it from very close up.
  
• Use a bendable ruler for the base. It will give a little more flexibility, offering more power when the projectile is released.
  
• Use a binder clip as a trigger.
  

Warnings

• Do not aim this at people or animals, even as a joke. Accidentally letting go of the rubber band from something as simple as someone bumping into you might cause a serious injury.
  
• If made poorly, the crossbow won't work well and will be hard to handle.
  
• Do not look into the end of the crossbow while loaded. Use common sense.
  

Things You'll Need

• 1 pen
  
• 4 pencils
  
• 2 rubber bands
  
• Tape
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Make a Sling Shot
  
• How to Build a Desktop Catapult
  
• How to Make a Ruler Slingshot
  
• How to Fold an Origami Star (Shuriken)
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Make a Small Crossbow out of Household Items. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Eat Spatula and DIE!

Ali, Blake, Billy, and DIERKS. Every last one of them. And the last wasn't even actually INVOLVED! Not really...

Ali and Blake are at it again, not that there's any surprise there. I swear, I wonder how those two have stayed married for so long. I guess they do really love each other, but I gotta be concerned sometimes. However, I do think that he just loves to drive her crazy. And she likes to make him pay for it.

And Billy, well, Billy just seems to get drug into whatever Blake's all wrapped up in.

All of this because I picked the wrong song to get caught singing. I started singing it, then Ali joined in. Blake overheard, freaked in his oh-so-charming (not) way and tattled to Billy. Why is Blake so damn scared of the Big D anyway? I'm lucky that Billy is quick to calm down otherwise I don't know what would have happened. I managed to convince him that Dierks wasn't anywhere near me, I was just singing one of his songs. Billy was relieved and apologized.

Blake? Well, judging by the look on my friend's face, he's not been nearly as understanding. I so love my man...

~Scarlett

It Was Bound To Happen Eventually...

but why so soooooon? Yeah, I'm whining, deal with it!

I knew that once Billy got things back together that he'd be heading back out on the road again. But, back then, I wasn't pregnant and things weren't always going so good. Why does he have to leave now, right when I need him the most? When I want him the most?

He says he'll be home as often as he can; he refuses to stay out for months at a time this go 'round. I sure hope not. His son will be here in July and I can't do this without him. I guess there's only one way to ensure that he returns home as often as humanly possible. I'm going to have to give him that answer he's been waiting on.

Wish me luck.

~A nervous Red

Footprints in the Sawdust

It had been one of those days, you know? Billy decided to take on a project that Blake was apparently unable to complete on his own. Reeeal big surprise there, huh? But anyway… So, we pack ourselves up and head over to Ali’s place so she and I could hang out and I could snorgle the baby a bit. Hey, a girl’s gotta get her lovin’ somehow.

Anyway, Ali’s in her chair, feeding the baby while Rory is running around playing airplane. God, I love that kid. He’s too happy all the time. So, he sees me, and grins one of his daddy’s huge grins and he flies by. Billy never made it farther than the garage where Blake was tearing something apart.

“Should I even ask what’s going on out there?”

Ali rolled her eyes. “No, probably not.”

Just as I figured. We sit and we talk, passing the baby back and forth once she’s done nursing. Eventually, she starts fussing and I hand her back, knowing far too well what it means. While she’s elbow deep in smelly baby, Ali realizes we haven’t seen Rory in awhile. Figuring he was asleep in the middle of the floor somewhere – the kid sleeps where he falls – I get up and go look.

Not in the kitchen, not in his bedroom either. And nope, no Rory in the nursery or in Mama’s room. Thinking he must’ve slipped outside, I go to the garage and look out. At first, all I see is Billy standing over a kneeling Blake, discussing the best way to destroy whatever it is they’re trying to build. Since I still don’t see the munchkin anywhere, I move to step into the garage to look for him.

And I almost step in a pile of sawdust. Now, I should have expected that much having heard the noises coming from the garage. But, what I wasn’t prepared for were the little footprints that made their meandering way through the shavings covering the garage floor.

I’d never noticed just how small that boy’s feet were, but I couldn’t help but notice now. Following the tiny foot prints, I eventually found my target sitting just behind his daddy and Billy, Blake’s John Deere hat falling down over his eyes, bare feet sticking out of his dirty overalls. Ah, so that explains why I couldn’t find him at least. As I get closer, I see he has a plastic hammer in one hand and his infamous stuffed bass in the other. He’s got the poor bass head-first on the cement and is pounding his tail with the hammer.

“Whatcha doin’ there, Bucky?” I just had to know what his answer was going to be. Blake and Billy both look up and grin at the silly little boy.

“I hammin’,” he tells me.

“Really? What are you hammering?”

“My FISH!” he squeals, eliciting a hearty laugh out of his father.

“That’s my boy,” Blake grins proudly. He would, you know.

“Why are you hammering your poor fishy, Rory?”

“Cuz. I work like Daddy.”

Blake’s grin faded, replaced by a thoughtful sort of smile. He put down the hammer he’d been showing Billy and gathered his son up, looking like a puppeteer with a mini-me puppet. Pushing the oversized hat back off Rory’s face he tweaked his son’s nose and laughed. “Oh yeah? Just don’t let your mama know that, okay? She’s worried enough about what I’M doing out here. We don’t need her knowing you’re following right behind.”

It never fails to amaze me how he uses humor to defuse all sorts of situations. I’ve seen him make Ali laugh at a moment where she was this close to shooting him. Or make Billy laugh in the midst of his darkest hour. I had had my reservations about what kind of father he was going to be, but I think I finally understand. He’s not the irresponsible goof that he comes off as. At least, not always.

Blake passes Rory over to me, asking me to take him in and dust him off, they’re getting ready to start sawing again and the rugrat is safer inside. So I take him in, thinking about what I just saw. And you know what sticks the most in my mind?

Not Rory.
Not even Blake.
It’s Billy.

Yep, that’s what I just said. Billy. The whole time this is going on, he’s watching Blake holding his son, talking to him like he’s just one of the guys. He couldn’t take his eyes off the scene unfolding before him and that hit me where it hurts. Hard.

I guess the good news is I think I’m ready to give Billy an answer. His baby will be here by summer. How can I deny him the sort of pleasures his best friend has? I can’t or, at least, I can’t deny him for the reasons I have up until now. Keeping him from truly being daddy because of my own fears is no longer an option.

And I suddenly realize that I don’t want it to be, either. I’m ready to take that plunge.

God help me, but I am. And all because of some tiny footprints in the sawdust. Who’d have ever thunk it?

~ A Very Thoughtful Scarlett